Sex Shame And The Lies It Tells

My career as a sex coach and femdom isn't something I consciously chose. I never sought it out. This career found me.

It found me through YEARS of deconstructing my own shame around my sexuality and reintegrating the parts of myself I abandoned as a little girl in fear.  My knowledge of sex, sexuality, and shame isn't a diploma or certification I picked up along the way (although I do have extensive training); it's deep wisdom I have gained from having to claw my own way out of my own pit of despair.

I've endured sexual violence, coercion, religious abuse, physical violence, and psychological terror at the hands of people who only wished to harm me, and today I live a very joyful and stable life despite it all.

I found the stability and happiness I enjoy today by moving consciously through my shame and grief. No one wants to sit in the hollow darkness of shame, but it's in that darkness that we find truth and strength. The feeling of shame is very real, but the story it tells is a lie.

Shame work is about staying with shame long enough to reveal the lie so we can begin telling a different story, one that brings hope, joy, and clarity rather than misery and despair. Once the lies are dispelled, the truth can finally shine through.

It's not about "fixing" shame so much as creating a relationship with it rather than hiding from it. Shame is a part of life, but it doesn't have to RUN your life. What lies does your shame tell? If there was a truer version, what would it be?